Sirach 6:5-6 “Pleasant speech multiplies friends, and a gracious tongue multiplies courtesies. Let those who are friendly with you be many, but let your advisers be one in a thousand.” This episode talks about how we should be nice to others. It also talks about he importance of being selective with you we let advise us. Music:"Adding the Sun" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Be Intentional With Who You Take Advice From
Sirach 6:5-6 “Pleasant speech multiplies friends, and a gracious tongue multiplies courtesies. Let those who are friendly with you be many, but let your advisers be one in a thousand.”
The first part of this verse is something that we all know, but not something we think of often. Pleasant speech multiplies friends, I think we all know this. If we want people to like us then we should speak nicely to people. No one wants to be friends with someone that is unkind to them. However, how often do we intentionally think about this? How often do we pay attention to how we are talking to others? It also says that a gracious tongue multiplies courtesies. People are going to be kinder to you if you are kind and gracious to others. You have heard the “golden rule” treat others as you want to be treated. Are you doing it? Are you following the “golden rule?”
This part of the verse also makes me think of our speech not only too people, but about people as well. How do you talk about your friends when they are not around? Do you spend time talking about some of your friends in a negative way to your other friends? Do you spend time gossiping with your friends about other people? There are two reasons why this is really not a good idea. The first is because it is not respectful to the person you are gossiping about. Every person in the world is going through something hard. If they aren’t right now, they have in the past or they will in the future. You never know what someone is going through and until you have walked a mile in their shoes, you have no idea what their life is like. Whatever gossip you are spreading about people could hurt them, and could damage their reputation. Another rule our parents taught us, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” This can be applied to all situations when it comes to gossip. Gossip leads to destruction. If you want to destroy a community all you need to do is start spreading some gossip. It is awful.
The second way that gossip is bad is because it can ruin friendships. If you are constantly talking badly about people when they aren’t around, to your friends, then your friends are going to start to wonder if you talk about them when they aren’t around. They may start to think that you are not a very good person. They may be cautious of what they say around you because they may think you will repeat it to others when they aren’t around or they don’t want you to make fun of them. The best way to avoid all of that is to remember that “Pleasant speech multiples friends, and gracious tongue multiplies courtesies.” If you want more friends then think about how you talk to people and how you talk about others in front of people.
The next part of the verse says, “Let those who are friendly with you be many, but let your advisers be one in a thousand.” I think this is great advise. We all have family or loved ones that want to give us advise about everything. You know the family members or friends that I am talking about. The ones that want to tell you how you should raise your children, who you should marry, where you should live, what job you should have and so on. It is difficult because usually these people are our loved ones and they think they are only trying to help us. They want what is best for us. The problem is usually their advise is based on what they think is best and what they think is best is not always what is best. They don’t usually have all the facts, they don’t know all the details or the information. They are giving you advice on the limited information that they have.
Tony and I have three boys. They are all very close together in age. We had three boys in four years. When the boys were little, we struggled a lot. Actually until recently we struggled, and our boys are now 17, 16, & 13. We received so much advice from well meaning people trying to tell us the best way to raise our children. If you are a parent, I am sure you have gotten similar advice. It doesn’t matter how well your kids behaved, other people can’t help but give you their opinions on everything to do with parenting. All this advice can drive you crazy sometimes. No one can seem to agree on what is best for kids. Some people say if you don’t spank your kids they will grow up spoiled. Others say if you do spank your kids you are abusive and your kids will grow up not feeling loved. With all these people telling you how they think you should be living your life, it can get overwhelming. It can also fill some people with anxiety. It is hard if you are a people pleaser and everyone is telling you how they want you to live your life. Especially if the way they want you to do things is not in alignment with how you think you should do things.
So, what do you do when all these people want to give you advice on how to live your life? I would refer back to Sirach 6:6, ““Let those who are friendly with you be many, but let your advisers be one in a thousand.” It is great if you have a lot of family and friends that care about you. However, that doesn’t mean that they all get a say in how you live your life. Let those who you are friendly with be many, but let your advisers be one in a thousand. You get to decide who you listen to. This is super important and can make all the difference between you living your life aligned with your passion and purpose and filled with joy, or a life where you are miserable, resentful and lacking joy. I get people pleasers. I am probably the biggest one. I don’t like conflict and have avoided it my whole life. However, I have learned to set boundaries. I have learned to be selective in who I allow to advise me. If your values don’t align with mine, I am not going to take advise on how I should live my life from you. If you have a different style of parenting than me, that’s great, I believe different things work for different children. However, I am not going to be taking advise from you on how to raise my children.
This woman I follow online Kristina Kuzmik has this great quote that she put on t-shirts that says, “Mind your own motherhood.” I love this because it is so true that people tend to think that the way they are parenting is the right way and that everyone needs to do it there way. You can have two parents parenting in completely different ways and yet they both have wonderful children. The only thing that our unsolicited advice does is to make the parent feel like they are doing something wrong. Just because it is not how we would do it does not mean that it is wrong. I think this is so important for us all to realize. We can do things differently than the way people want us to and we can still do them really well. We don’t have to do things to please everyone. I remember how freeing it felt when I decided that I was going to stop explaining myself and my parenting to others. I knew I was a great mom, I knew I had done the research, I was doing the best I could, I knew that I was the best mom for my kids. God gave me these specific 3 boys to raise for a reason and I was the best mom for the job. I knew why the things they were telling me to try wouldn’t work with my boys and I finally realized I didn’t have to explain or justify my parenting to anyone else.
You don’t have to either. And I am not just talking about parenting. You have a right to live your life how you want to. You don’t have to justify your decisions to anyone. You don’t have to explain why you are single, why you have kids, why you don’t have kids, why you work, why you don’t work, why you eat only meat, why you eat only veggies, however you decide you want to live, it is your decision. You don’t have to do something just because someone else tells you it is the best. If you want to try it great, but do it because you want to, not because someone else told you to.
Now that I have covered how you don’t have to listen to everyone that wants to give you advice, I want to say that there are some people that you should listen to. This verse doesn’t say, don’t take advice from anyone, it says let your advisor be one in a thousand. This means, be selective. I believe that everyone needs someone they can bounce ideas off of, someone that can tell them when they are doing something that is not healthy or dangerous. Someone that can be real and honest with them. However, I believe that you should make sure that this person’s belief’s and values are aligned with yours. Make sure they are someone that you can trust and that they really know you. They know your inner most desires, they know what your values are, they know what you struggle with and what you excel at. Be selective in who you ask for advice from and even when you trust the person, listen to their advice, take it under advisement and weigh it in your decision making process, but ultimately, you will need to make your own decision.
If you want to save yourself a lot of anxiety, stress, and heartache, then you be intentional about who you chose to take advice from. Be intentional about how you talk to others and about others. “Pleasant speech mulitiplies friends,” this is a great verse to remember.
Dear Heavenly Father, I ask that you bless all those listening to this episode today. Lord, help us to be kind to all those that we meet. Help us all have pleasant speech and to mulitply our friends. Help us Lord to be selective with who we take advice from. Help us to not worry so much as to what others think but that we only care what you think of us Lord. Help us to find those few people that we can confide in and that can help advise us. We love you Lord and we are so grateful for all you have done for us. You are amazing and we ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus’ holy name, Amen!
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey to walk boldly with Jesus. I wanted to mention that my boys are off school this week for Christmas vacation, Tony is also off from work several days this week, and my sister is visiting from another state. I am still planning on getting the podcast out each day as I truly enjoy spending that time with the Lord and with you. However, if it is not out first thing in the morning know that all is ok, I am just spending time with my family and I will get it posted as soon as I can. Thank you for your understanding. I look forward to spending time with you again tomorrow. Have a blessed day!