Matthew 6:15: “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Today's episode talks all about why it is so important that we forgive others. It explains what forgiveness is and what it is not. If God is going to forgive us to the same extent we forgive others, don't we owe it to ourselves to at least try to be better at forgiving others? Music:"Adding the Sun" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Forgiveness Is Hard But Necessary
Matthew 6:15: “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
I know a lot of people that are holding on to un-forgiveness. I get it. Forgiving people is hard! It is especially hard if they did something unspeakable to you, and they aren’t sorry and are not even asking for forgiveness. Here is the thing I have learned about forgiveness, though: it is not about them; it is about you. You are not forgiving them so that they feel better. You are forgiving them so that you feel better. You’re not forgiving them because they deserve it or because it is not bothering you anymore. You are forgiving them because each day that you refuse to forgive and hold onto that resentment, it eats you up inside. I heard a saying once that helped me to visualize and understand this so much better. “Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison every day and expecting the other person to die.” When you forgive someone, you are not saying that what they did was okay. It was not. What you are doing when you forgive someone is acknowledging that the event happened, that it is in the past and you are no longer going to let it have power over your emotions. You are moving on from it. Forgiveness is about acknowledging what happened, learning what you can from it, and moving forward so you can live your life in the present.
I know this is not an easy thing to do. I know that it takes work and it takes time. It is such an important thing to do, though. I remember the moment I learned that God forgives us as we forgive others. I was sitting in a bible study, and someone mentioned it rather nonchalantly. I was like, “What, hold the phone. What did you just say?” If I don’t forgive others, God won’t forgive me. Is that what you are saying? Matthew 6:15 says, “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” The reason they said it as if everyone knew it was because any Catholic, or any person who has said the Our Father prayer, has said that exact statement. Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, they will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us…There it is, as plain as day. And yet, that thought had never occurred to me. I have said the Our Father almost every Sunday for my entire life. I have said that prayer thousands of times over the course of my life. How is it that I never really understood that line? I am writing this because I thought, what if that thought had never occurred to you either?
I don’t know about you, but I definitely need God’s forgiveness. I would love God to be very forgiving as I am human, and so I make all kinds of mistakes. So, if I need God to be very forgiving, then I must be forgiving to others. “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive others…” How do I forgive others? Am I very forgiving? Do I keep grudges? Am I too hard for people who have wronged me? We have all heard the saying, “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.” But I feel like this brings it to a whole new level. Do unto others as you want God to do unto you. Wow, learning that was very powerful for me.
I set out to learn how to forgive better. If that was the standard I was going to be held up to, I had some work to do. As far as I can remember, I was not really one to hold grudges, at least not for long. However, I would get angry often, and sometimes it was for things that were not really a big deal. I am trying to think about what I did to learn to forgive more easily. I honestly am not sure. For me, I think that just knowing that God was going to hold me to whatever standards I had was enough of a push for me to start working on forgiveness. I prayed that God would help me with forgiveness. I went to confession and confessed when I felt I was not doing well with forgiving. There are lots of resources out there to help people learn to forgive better. I started looking for them and reading them. Forgiveness is something that most people, if not all, struggle with. No one wants to be hurt, and when someone hurts us, we want them to suffer like we suffered. We do not want to forgive them, and we do not want to let go of that pain because we feel like if we let go of the pain and anger, then we are saying that it either didn’t happen or that we are somehow ok with it happening. This is not what you are saying when you forgive. You are saying, yes, it happened; yes, it was awful, and no, it was not ok; and yes, I am going to stop giving it power over me. I am going to stop spending time thinking about the person who did it. I am going to forgive that person and move forward.
Forgiving also doesn’t mean forgetting. You do not have to forget what this person did. You should remember all that you learned from this situation. You also don’t have to be reconciled with this person to forgive. You can forgive someone, wish them no ill will, and still not want to be around them. Forgiveness is about you feeling better, not about making them feel better. I know this topic is sensitive, as many people reading this may have deep wounds, and forgiveness may feel far from reach. I heard a priest address this one time. There was a woman who was so badly hurt by someone that she could not forgive them. The priest asked her if she wanted to forgive the person. She said no. He asked her if she wanted to want to forgive that person, and she said yes. He said, just start there. If you are struggling to forgive someone and it seems like forgiveness is impossible, then just work on wanting to want to forgive them. Pray to God and ask him for the grace to want to want to forgive that person. Once you are able to want to forgive them, work on wanting to forgive, and then once you want to forgive, you can work on forgiving. It may seem impossible, but forgiveness is possible. The consequences for not forgiving seem too steep not to at least try.
Dear Heavenly Father, I ask you to bless all those listening to this episode today. Lord, we want to forgive others, but it is really hard at times. Please help us. Please help us understand what forgiveness is and what it is not. Please help us to turn it over to you and not hold onto that anger, hate, and resentment. Lord, put on our hearts anyone we need to forgive, and then we ask for the strength to forgive them. Show us how, Lord. We love you, and we ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus’ holy name. Amen!
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey to walk boldly with Jesus. I look forward to meeting you here again tomorrow. Remember, Jesus loves you, and so do I! Have a blessed day!
Today’s Word from the Lord is in the form of a vision someone had at our Prayer Group. I wasn’t going to use it, but I think it is important to demonstrate the various ways God might talk with you. "I had an image of trying to open a bifold curtain, and it's heavy. You know, the separators between rooms where they come together. It was really heavy, and I was really trying and having trouble pushing. I sensed the Lord saying to each of us there right now he would like us to take a few minutes and listen in the depths of our hearts because we each have a curtain right now. It's very heavy for us, and we are trying to push it away, but he has something he wants to say to us about it. I don't know what it is, but he wants us to listen and to know, and he will help us with that curtain. He will give us all the strength we need to push it aside.”