Proverbs 16:28 “A perverse person spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” Today's episode talks about how detrimental gossip can be. It talks about the various ways gossip can hurt the other person, whether they find out what you said or not. It also talks about how gossiping can hurt us as well. There is no place for gossip in our pursuit of a holy lifestyle. Is gossiping worth the consequence of growing further away from the Lord? Music:"Adding the Sun" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Gossip Is Like Poison
Proverbs 16:28 “A perverse person spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”
What came to mind when I heard this verse was gossip. I know I have talked about this before, and yet I think we can’t really over-emphasize how bad gossiping is. We tend to think it is not that bad because you are just talking amongst your friends or family members, so the other person will never find out. We think we have a right to sometimes as if we are just stating how we are feeling. Nothing good comes from gossiping.
Even if we are just talking to our family or our friends, it can still hurt the other person. First of all, the other person usually finds out. It is a much smaller world than you think, and someone will tell someone, who will tell that person. However, even if they never find out what you said about them, there are still a few ways it can hurt that person. When you talk about someone, whether it is good or bad, what you say can and usually does affect the way the person you are talking to thinks about that person. For instance, if you are talking to your friend, Jane, about how someone at church was rude to you the other day, then Jane has that thought in their head now for all future interactions with that person at church. When they see that person, they will think of the thing you told them. This can be a good thing if you are spreading good things about people. For instance, if you were to tell Jane about how helpful this person at church was, then when she saw that person, she would think of how helpful she was to you.
The problem with the things we say helping to form our friends’ and families’ opinions of others is that our opinions aren’t always based on the facts. For instance, we might be saying that the woman at church was rude to us when, in all actuality, maybe we were just in a bad mood, and we were defensive, and she was just stating something or asking something, and we took offense and said she was rude. This can happen far more often than we would like to think. How we react to what other people say has much more to do with us and our experiences and moods than it does with them. They might have done or said the same thing to our friend Jane, and she didn’t find it rude at all.
Another problem with gossiping is that it is all one-sided. It is one person, or even a group of people, talking about what happened in a given situation. However, the person/people you are talking about also have an explanation or accounting of what happened, and it probably does not line up with yours. I understand that we need to vent at times. However, we could always vent to the Lord. He doesn’t take it personally, and He won’t let it shape the way He looks at the other person involved because He knows both sides of the story. If we must vent to someone else, could we do it without using names or without letting the other person know who we are talking about? That way, what we say will not affect how the person we are talking to looks at that other person.
This is especially important when we are married, and we are talking/venting to our parents or other family members about our spouse. We should not talk negatively or vent to our family members or our good friends about our spouse if we can help it. We love our spouse, and yet when we struggle, we want to talk about it to someone. We might be angry with them, and we know we will feel better if we talk to someone about it. The problem with going to family is that they may unknowingly or knowingly hold a grudge. They may hear you talking about your spouse when you are angry, and then they decide they don’t like him or her. You forgive your spouse quickly as you love them. However, the family might be much more slow to forgive. This was advice I got before I got married, and it has proved to be some pretty sound advice. I would talk to my friends if I was upset with my husband, but only friends who loved me and also knew that it was normal to fight with a spouse sometimes. You hopefully always love each other, but you may not always like each other.
Gossip not only hurts others, it can hurt you as well. It can hurt your soul as each time you gossip, it takes you a little further away from Christ. It can also affect your relationships. If you tend to gossip or talk badly about people a lot, then you will become known as someone who talks badly about people when you are not there, especially if you talk about your friends or coworkers to other friends or coworkers when they aren’t there. Your friends or coworkers will start to think you are probably talking about them when they are not around, too. Then, people might not trust you as much, or even worse, they may not want to be around you.
It is not fun to be around people who gossip or complain about others all the time. If we are trying to grow in our faith and our relationship with God, then we are probably trying to live as best we can. Gossip has no place in our pursuit of a holy lifestyle. This also means we will avoid being around those who gossip a lot or those who may cause us to gossip a lot. If we want to live a holy lifestyle, we need to do our best to live according to the Word of the Lord. We need to have Christ as our role model. He did not gossip, and He did not talk badly about others. He did not judge others, although He had every authority to do so. If we want to be Christ-like, we should not gossip.
I know it can be easy to fall into the trap of gossiping. I find myself in it more often than I would like. I try to tell myself I am not gossiping, and yet I can hear the Lord gently reminding me that I am. If you fall into gossiping easily, here is one suggestion that might help you to slow it down or stop it altogether. When you think about talking about another person, ask yourself if what you are about to say is good or bad. If it is bad, don’t say it; bite your tongue and just let it go unsaid. Next, you can ask yourself if what you are going to say will negatively impact the way that person will view the person you are talking about. If the answer is yes, then do not say it; bite your tongue and let it go unsaid. Our speech should be used to build people up. There are enough people in this world who are tearing people down; let’s not join them. Let’s be better than that. When you are thinking of someone who is annoying you, and you want to vent, stop, take a moment, and see if you can come up with one nice or at least neutral thing, you can stay instead. For instance, instead of saying my friend forgot to text me back yesterday, you can say my friend has a lot on his plate and texts me when he can. Gossip is bad, and it draws you away from the Lord. Is whatever you were going to say worth growing further away from the Lord?
Dear Heavenly Father, I ask you to bless all those listening to this episode today. Lord, we want to stop gossiping; it is just so hard. Please help us. Help convict us in our hearts when we are gossiping, and then show us how to stop. Lord, help us to understand how hurtful it is and how much pain it can cause. We love you, Lord, and we don’t want to do anything to hurt you or to cause separation between us. Please help us, Lord. We ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus’ holy name. Amen!
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey to walk boldly with Jesus. Just a reminder that registration for the retreat is open! The retreat will be from 2 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 7th, until 11 a.m. on Monday, October 9th. It will be two days of talks, prayers, praise, worship, sacraments, and so much more! You do not want to miss this weekend. My hope is that you will leave filled up with God’s love and armed with the skills to hear His voice guiding your journey. You will also leave with a few more friends to join you on this faith journey. I look forward to sharing an incredible weekend with you. CLICK HERE to register for retreat. I also look forward to joining you here again tomorrow. Remember, Jesus loves you, and so do I! Have a blessed day!