1 John 3:18 "Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action.” Today's episode talks about how important our words are. It talks about how people feel loved through our actions not our words. It also briefly explains the five love languages by Gary Chapman. Music:"Adding the Sun" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Love in Truth and Action
1 John 3:18 "Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action.”
When I went to the BibleGateway website I use to look up the Bible verses this morning this was the verse of the day. I loved it, especially since I just talked about how Jesus is love yesterday. I think this one little verse says so much. Even though there aren’t very many words it says something so powerful and yet something I don’t think a lot of people realize. I think a lot of people try to love in word or speech. There are many people that say I love you and yet they don’t really know what that means. They say I love you with their words and yet their actions say I can’t be bothered with you.
For instance a person that tells their spouse that they have to work late at the office tonight and then they says, “I love you.” Meanwhile they are going out to have an affair with someone else. A parent who calls to say good night to their child over the phone because they have to work late and then says, “I love you,” but heads out to the bar, or to go gambling instead of going home. I knew a dad who always promised his kids he would come to their games to watch them play football or soccer, but never made it because he was too caught up with his race cars. This is not love. Words are not love. You can say, “I love you,” all you want and yet if truth and actions don’t back it up, they won’t feel it.
I am not sure if everyone listening has heard of the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but I am going to quickly recap because it can be life changing. Gary Chapman was a counselor and I think maybe a preacher too, but I am not positive. He started to notice that all the couples that were coming to him for marriage counseling were complaining about things that could all pretty much fit into five different categories. What he realized is that we all feel loved in a certain way and we all give love in a certain way. We usually give love in the same way we receive love. The problem with this is that your kids and your spouse might not receive love in the same way that you are giving it.
Gary Chapman came up with five different ways people give and receive love. One is Quality time, this means you or your loved one feels most loved when you take time out of your day to spend quality time with them. The second one is Receiving gifts, this means that your loved one feels most love when you are giving them a gift. This one is not so much about getting a gift, it is about the fact that you knew enough about them to get them something you knew they liked and also that you were thinking about them. The third one is Physical Touch. This doesn’t have to be romantic. For a kid it could be a high five, or a pat on the back/head. For a spouse it could just be a hug or an arm on the back as you pass by. The fourth one is Words of Affirmation. This means your loved one feels most loved when you are telling them you appreciate them and complimenting them on what they are doing that is good and right. The fifth one is Acts of Service. Acts of Service means your loved one feels most loved when you are doing something for them. When you wash their car, or do the dishes. It doesn’t matter what you are doing as long as you are doing it to help them out.
Take a minute to think about which one of these you might me. You can take a quick quiz at https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language. I will have a link in the show notes. The reason it is important to know your love language is because that is probably how you are showing love to others. Gary Chapman could notice right away when a couple came into his office what love language each person spoke and why they were having troubles. For instance, once couple came in complaining because the wife said her husband was always out hunting or hanging out with the guys and the husband didn’t understand what the wife was complaining about because he always washed her car, took care of all the laundry and the cleaning up before he left. Can you see it too? Her love language was quality time and she didn’t feel loved because he wasn’t spending time with her. His love language was acts of service and so he thought he was loving her well because he was doing a bunch of stuff around the house for her.
They both loved each other very much, they were just speaking the wrong language. Gary Chapman talks about how if you are speaking the wrong love language you might be trying to show your loved one all the love in the world, but they don’t understand it as love. He said it is like you are speaking a foreign language to them. How many of your loved ones would understand what you were saying if you were speaking a different language to them? It is important to know your love language and your loved ones language because then you can show them you love them in a way they can really feel it. I had my husband and my children each take the test so that I would know how to love them best. Yes, I did have to bribe my kids to take the test, but they still took it and now I know.
Another reason to know your loved ones love language is because if you do the opposite of their love language it hurts them a lot more than other things. For instance, one of my sons love language is words of affirmation. That is how he truly feels loved, when we comment all he is doing that is right. This means when we use negative words, or comment on what he is doing wrong, it hits him harder than the other kids. He takes it more personally and almost as a betrayal since that is his love language. I am sure I am not explaining it as good as the book does. I highly recommend the book. I bet you could even get it out at your local library. The books has several suggestions at the end of each chapter about how you can love your loved one in their love language. Actually I think I am going to make a much more concerted effort during this Lenten season to love my loved ones with their love languages.
Whether you find out your loved ones love language or not, I urge you to realize that your loved ones either feel love or don’t feel love based on our actions, not on our words. Are you actions telling them that you love them? Are you making time for them, are you doing the things you said you would do? The verse also talks about truth and we didn’t really touch on that yet. Telling the truth is so important. Our kids know when we are not telling the truth, so do our spouses. We need to be open and honest with our loved ones. When we lie, even if we have the best intentions we break the trust of those we love. Sometimes we can’t get that trust back. Think very carefully before you speak and remember that the truth will set you free. I will end with the verse as it is so good and says it so perfectly. "Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action.”
Dear Heavenly Father, I ask you to bless all those listening to this episode today. Lord, help us to know how to love our loved ones better. Help us to show them love in a way they can really feel it. Help us to love with truth and action instead of words or speech. Lord, please put on our hearts any ways in which we could love people better. How can we love you better Lord? You are so amazing and you show us love every single day. How can we show you love? How can we show you are gratitude for all you do for us? We love you Lord, and we ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus’ holy name, Amen.
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey to walk boldly with Jesus. I look forward to bringing you another witness tomorrow. Remember Jesus loves you, and so do I! Have a blessed day!