Matthew 5:7 ““Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.” This episode is about mercy and how we need more of it in our lives. It talks about how I applied this to my parenting and our lives were changed. Then at then end I invite you all into a challenge with me for the next 10 weeks. To sign up for the challenge go to https://findingtruenorthcoaching.com/be-more-like-jesus. There is a link you can click on below in show notes. Music:"Adding the Sun" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
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Who Needs A Little More Mercy In Their Life
Matthew 5:7 ““Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.”
Mercy reminds me a lot of forgiveness. I say this because we like to be forgiven, and yet we don’t always like to forgive. I think we all like when we’re shown mercy and yet when it comes to showing others mercy, we think that makes us weak. Showing mercy isn’t always easy. What does mercy even mean? Mercy is compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. If you are in a position to show someone mercy, then that means you are in a position of power. You do not have to worry about looking weak. Mercy does not make someone weak. Showing someone mercy when they need it is such a powerful thing to do. You have no idea how much that gesture of mercy can do to change their lives.
I remember when I changed my parenting style to favor mercy more than punishment, our lives changed. We had a difficult time parenting. It was really rough for a very long time. We didn’t how to handle some of the behaviors we were seeing. We did the best we could, as all parents do. However, I never stopped trying to learn how to deal with the behaviors we were seeing. I prayed and asked God for His help. I read books and talked to experts. Finally I read a book that I really loved and it was called Parenting without Power Struggles. This book taught me that the foundation of parenting is your connection with your kids. If you have a strong connection, they will have a stronger desire to get along and do as you asked. Don’t get me wrong, she was not saying that was the be all end all. She gave lots of practical techniques on how to accomplish this.
In this book Susan Stiffelman asked one set of parents to consider the difference between throwing seeds on dry, rocky earth and planting them in cultivated, healthy soil. “You can throw thousands of seeds on dry, uncultivated ground, but they won’t have as much chance of sprouting. Similarly, if we want our kids to be receptive to our support and direction, we first need to prepare the soil- to create a natural openness in them- by helping them feel heard and by giving them the sense that we’re unquestionably on their side.” After reading this book, after prayer, and talking with others I realized that what we needed in our house was not more anger and punishment, it was more mercy. Our kids were getting upset and acting out in the only way that they knew how. They were not going to learn a new way to deal with frustration by being punished. I realized what our boys needed most at that time in their lives was to know that they were loved. They needed to know that they were loved no matter what they did.
They needed to be shown mercy. I realized we needed more Jesus in our lives and in our house. Jesus is love and mercy and so I started to pour out both of these on our children. This may look like something different in your house. I am certainly not claiming to be an expert on parenting, families, or anything really. I am just sharing how mercy saved our family in case you are in similar situation and need something to try. Or, in case you want to try it now before you get into the situation we found ourselves in. For me, showing more mercy meant not punishing for every little thing the boys did. If they acted out in frustration and did something wrong, I would recognize that they were frustrated and give them a cooling period without yelling. The cooling period was something like watch tv, listen to music, or play a video game. They thought this was awesome and honestly, I am sure they thought they were getting away with something at first. But what it really did for them was show them that I get it. I understand that sometimes we get upset and do things that we don’t want to do. It showed them that I understand what it is like to lose my temper and that sometimes we need some time to chill out before we talk about it.
I did not just forget about the incident and move on. They still needed to talk with me about what happened once they were calm. However, since they had a cooling off period, so did I. So when we talked about it, I was not letting my emotions lead the discussion. I was approaching it more out of a curiosity stand point, asking them what happened so I could understand instead of placing blame and asking them to defend themselves. The boys felt heard, probably for the first time in a long time. When I took this time to slow down and figure out what really happened most of the time I found out that things were not really what they seemed. This was the beginning of a new life for us. That may sound dramatic to some of you, but our family was struggling with so much anger. We were drowning in it with no way out. This simple act of showing more love and mercy was our life boat.
I know everyone listening to this podcast may not be a parent and even if you are, your kids may be already grown and so you may think this doesn’t apply to you. Let me assure you, that in whatever stage of life you are in, it can only get better when you have more love and more mercy. If you are someone that goes to work everyday, how can you show more mercy to those you work with? People make mistakes all the time and how you deal with it can either make that person feel good or bad. I have often heard the quote, “People may not always remember what you do, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” This is so true. When you are having a bad day and someone does something to make you feel better, you don’t often forget it. When you make a huge mistake and someone shows you grace and mercy, you remember that forever.
I remember reading a book one time, I don’t remember which one, but I remember the story the author told about borrowing her dads car. This woman was in college and she borrowed her dad’s car for a special reason, I think maybe she had a date. Her dad loved his car, it was very special to him. When she was driving it that night, someone ran a red light and hit her car. The car was totaled and she had to go to the hospital. She was ok and did not have any severe injuries. She was so scared for her dad to come to the hospital to see her because she knew how mad he would be. That car was his baby. Her dad finally arrived at the hospital and when he came in to the room he gave her a big hug and said, “rough night, huh.” She started to cry and apologized about the car. He said he didn’t care about the car, he just was glad she was ok. It makes me emotional thinking about the dad’s response because there were any number of things he could have said to her when he walked into that room. And yet, what he said, “rough night, huh.” was perfect. It showed her, that he understood what she was feeling. It showed her that he knew it was going to be tough for her to tell him about his car. He could have gone in there and yelled at her and made her feel awful and told her she was not going to ever borrow his car again, but he didn’t. He showed her mercy and love and because of it, she did not feel so bad about herself.
There are so many instances in my life that I look back on and I wish I had known the perfect thing to say. I wish I was better at not letting my emotions do the talking. I wish my first thought was always mercy and to think about how my words would make someone feel about themselves. Unfortunately, this is not the case. However, because I am aware of these desires, I am working towards them. I am doing my best to put mercy first, to think about how what I am about to say will make the other person feel before I say it. I can’t change the past, but I can learn from it and work on being a better person in the future.
Remember when you are out there in the world, you are a representative of Jesus. Think about how you treat other people. Are you treating them like Jesus would? When they look at you are they seeing a reflection of Jesus? That is our goal, that is what we are here on this earth to do. We are here to introduce each person to Jesus. St. Francis of Assisi has a quote that I just love and that embodies how we should live our lives. He said, “Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” Where in your life could you be more merciful? How could you be more like Jesus?
Dear Heavenly Father, I ask that you bless all those listening to this episode today. Lord, we ask that you teach us to be more merciful. We ask that you shine a light on those places in our lives where you are calling us to show more mercy or more love. Lord you are so merciful and we are so grateful. Lord we want to be an example of You to others, please show us how. Help us to become more and more like you each day. Help us to preach the Gospel at all times, not only with our words but with our actions as well. Lord you are so powerful and we are so grateful that you love us. We love you Lord, and we ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus’ holy name, Amen.
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey talk walk boldly with Jesus. Speaking of joining me on this Journey, I keep thinking about episode #80 “How Can We Help God.” Specifically what I keep thinking about are the character traits of Jesus and the call to be more like Jesus which we heard again in today's episode. I feel called to try to grow in those traits and I think trying to do anything new is easier with a community. I am wondering if anyone listening to this podcast would like to join me in this venture. There are 10 weeks until Christmas, I know, where is there year going? Anyway, there are 10 weeks until Christmas and so I thought we could focus on one character trait a week from know until Christmas and see how we are doing. If you are interested in joining me (click here). Once you sign up I will send an email describing what the character trait for the week is and some ways you might be able to grow in it. I hope you will consider joining me as it is much more fun to do things with a community. It also provides a greater level of accountability. I will also hold a zoom call each week so that anyone who wants to get together and talk about how it is going can do so. We can learn a lot from each other as we are all in different places in our journey. I hope you will consider joining me on this 10 week adventure to grow more like Jesus. I look forward to spending time with you again tomorrow, Have a blessed day!